Marriage.

Helpful hints for marriage.

Recently Rich and I were attending a wedding in New York and while I was writing out the greeting card for the Bride and Groom, I felt like God reminding me of all things that both Rich and myself learned after almost 17 years of marriage and wanted to share it with my friends and family. Rich and I came from two different backgrounds. I moved from Trinidad to Ma along with my family’s ideals, ideas, religious beliefs and traditions. Rich was raised in the Methodist church; he brought his family’s principles to our marriage. Our common denominator was our faith in God and we loved it each, but sometimes it takes a whole lot more to make a marriage work than just love. I hear from my friends that I love my spouse but I just can’t live with them. I vowed to God the first year of my marriage to change my husband and I know that Rich wanted to change me too. For years we wanted to “fix “each other. Until we realized that God needed to change our hearts to grow closer to him and to each other. Here are a few things we learned as we walked down the road of Marriage.

Selfishness: When married if you are selfish and think only about yourself your marriage is doom to fail. It is imperative that you support each other in needs and desires, if you don’t support each other somebody else will be a support for your spouse. Marriage is a two-way street; you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Mathew 19:6 – So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Love: Love each other unconditionally. When we realize that none of us are perfect, we can begin to grow and appreciate each other’s differences. 1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Effective Communication: Sexes speak different languages it is important to figure out how you communicate. Volume does not mean you are a better communicator. Don’t say something you will regret later, walk away if you have too. There were many times we said to each other “I wish I could record you.”

Play well together: Do something together that you both enjoy. This is important to bring oneness. Laughter is the best medicine. Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Gossip: Gossiping to your friends about your spouse does not help. We are to bless and speak positive things about our spouses because what you speak is what he will become. Ephesians 5:26 He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word.

Be Transparent: My mom always said what is in the dark always comes to light. Be open and clear in your marriage. Ephesians 4: 25 What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

Pay Attention: Guys when you go out to dinner with our wives put down your iPhone and stop looking around the room for the good-looking girls. The most important person you are having dinner with is in front of you. Many women have gotten to the point of not caring what their husbands do.  This is what the bible says. Ephesians 5: 25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

Make every effort to treat her like you would want to be treated.

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